Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
