dude i'm inner monologue high
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
don't judge my taste in strippers
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
