I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
