you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
