last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
