I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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