You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
