i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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