So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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