i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
