Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
