well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
