I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
