i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There r osticjed everywhere
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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