oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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