FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
