if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
time to smoke my breakfast
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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