I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
