Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
