I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
