O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
