chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
