It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
