His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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