You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Mom said you looked used
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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