How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
