We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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