He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
