i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
