We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
