How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
