i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she peed on how many people?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Less talking, more tequila
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
