i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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