Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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