U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
