Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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