I cockslap morals
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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