Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
