Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
