I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
