I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
