just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
