this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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