I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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