Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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