The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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