I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
