I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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