I think I died a long time ago.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This baby is an asshole
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
