Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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