He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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