you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
