He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
